Originally published on April 10, 2009.
Wooden wine boxes. I have a theory about them. Look at the picture below.
Does it start your pulse racing with desire? Or does it evoke a sense of loathing? If it’s the former, you’re not alone. We’ll put a wooden box on the curb in front of the store and it will be gone within an hour. Some people ask if they can take it, but most just grab it and run. I fall on the loathing side of the box scale, but it took me a while to get there.
So my theory….I propose that the esteem you place on wooden boxes is disproportionately related to the amount of time you spend actually unpacking them and pulling the bottles out. So, the longer the amount of time you spend in the retail side of the wine business, generally, the more you grow to hate them.
The major thought process of each phase is noted below.
Phase 1 – Intense Adoration: Wooden boxes are so cool! Maybe my local retailer will give me some. I can use them to panel my basement. Or make a table out of them. Or turn them into planters. Or even make a computer out of them! I could live in a wooden wine box if it were big enough! Oh, look…there’s a wooden box in front of the store. Do you think they’ll mind if I just take it? Yea! My first wooden box! (For those actually working in a wine store: I can’t believe the owner/manager is actually letting me take home all the wooden boxes I want! This job is fantastic!!!)
Phase 2 – Moderated Respect: I’m a little more discriminating now (since I already have 23 snazzy wine box planters. And my entire basement paneled in them.). I’ll just keep my eye out for high end Bordeaux boxes. Or really cool ones with actual lids and clasps. One of those could make a nice tool box.
Phase 3 – Mild Annoyance: Great, more wooden boxes to open. Where’s the hammer again? And they certainly are heavier than the plain old cardboard ones. But still, they do look great on my basement wall.
Phase 4 – Utter Contempt: Can’t find the hammer…maybe I can just rip the top off……ouch splinter! And I still need that stupid hammer so I can pound down these stupid nails so the customers don’t hurt themselves when they run off with them. And do they really need to put the $10 bottles in a wooden box? Really????? The box has got to cost as much as the bottles! Don’t they care about their carbon footprint? Don’t they care that I just got yet another splinter. Don’t they care that I can never find the hammer when I need it?
To be completely honest, I can fall back to Phase 2 when I come across a really great box that doesn’t require a hammer to open. For example, the Rustenberg Five Soldiers Chardonnay comes in a fantastic box with a sliding panel as the lid. It’s big and impressive, as is the wine, and only requires one little screw to open it up. And I suppose it really would make a really nice tool box. Maybe I could keep my hammer in it.